In Islam it has been advised time and again to keep a good company because it helps in nourishing ones mind and heart. The present days families and allies don't really leave a room to choose between having any company or a good one, you simply got to stick with them - out of respect or obligation - even if you're suffering to your soul..
For the longest time I've been confused on the matter as my heart seeks different people; people who recognizes my individuality. And time and again I've been told to let go of the negativity being cause to my mind, while the people keep on pouring in more of it... I used to imagine how I got so unwilling to even the sound of those people - it kinda started to make me actually dislike myself too. I felt like being a BAD person.. :-/
Anyhow, recognizing my vices, I began to praying to my dear Allah g to show me the path again, to clear my heart and thoughts of all and any grudge, as it was a suffering harder than the actual ones.
Several times I read the Hadith on keeping a good company - and I was still blank...
Until...
These days we are taking Mohammad for the swimming classes, where on one of the two days his friend accompanies him. At the end of the very first class I looked at my husband as to let him choose between taking care of Ibrahim or taking Mohammad to the shower. He probably choose between the lesser of the two and took Mohammad to the shower, while the dad of Mohammad's friend looked at me with sheer astonishment and followed my husband with his son too... In the first instance I couldn't figure out that stare but when his wife approached me with gratitude, I figured that the guy has never taken his son to the shower before.. She kept thanking me that watching my husband made his do the deal too, as previously she used to be the one giving their son a shower while getting all drenched, whereas the husband used to promise doing it the next time but the time never came until the day...
Watching her so relieved I remembered a time when Mohammad was only a few days old. Being a new mom I was still struggling with breastfeeding, diapers and naps. On one of the instance my husband was sticking around helping me with the diaper change when his siblings approached and laughed at him helping me. I husband instantly shied away. And from then on, it was only me and Mohammad; while cooking, cleaning, going to the washroom, taking a shower, going shopping, for a walk, for fun - Mohammad was my buddy, we ended up doing everything together and he wouldn't leave my side. He wouldn't play with his dad, or even go out alone with him - because dad never gave him the silent moments of random care.. I used to be agonized watching Mohammad being so distant from his father, sometimes it even made me cry.
So I figure, that one time of laughing changed everything for our first-born. If only those people have supported me as their extended family, rather than teasing and taunting, I would've not ended up being so bleak towards them. My husband would've been more open in showing affection towards his family - and EVERYONE's life would've been in a state of peace..
Now the best I can do is keep space, as much as I can, and moreover find some people who can help me with my mental agony. Alas, keeping a good company matters on a lot of different levels...
For the longest time I've been confused on the matter as my heart seeks different people; people who recognizes my individuality. And time and again I've been told to let go of the negativity being cause to my mind, while the people keep on pouring in more of it... I used to imagine how I got so unwilling to even the sound of those people - it kinda started to make me actually dislike myself too. I felt like being a BAD person.. :-/
Anyhow, recognizing my vices, I began to praying to my dear Allah g to show me the path again, to clear my heart and thoughts of all and any grudge, as it was a suffering harder than the actual ones.
Several times I read the Hadith on keeping a good company - and I was still blank...
Until...
These days we are taking Mohammad for the swimming classes, where on one of the two days his friend accompanies him. At the end of the very first class I looked at my husband as to let him choose between taking care of Ibrahim or taking Mohammad to the shower. He probably choose between the lesser of the two and took Mohammad to the shower, while the dad of Mohammad's friend looked at me with sheer astonishment and followed my husband with his son too... In the first instance I couldn't figure out that stare but when his wife approached me with gratitude, I figured that the guy has never taken his son to the shower before.. She kept thanking me that watching my husband made his do the deal too, as previously she used to be the one giving their son a shower while getting all drenched, whereas the husband used to promise doing it the next time but the time never came until the day...
Watching her so relieved I remembered a time when Mohammad was only a few days old. Being a new mom I was still struggling with breastfeeding, diapers and naps. On one of the instance my husband was sticking around helping me with the diaper change when his siblings approached and laughed at him helping me. I husband instantly shied away. And from then on, it was only me and Mohammad; while cooking, cleaning, going to the washroom, taking a shower, going shopping, for a walk, for fun - Mohammad was my buddy, we ended up doing everything together and he wouldn't leave my side. He wouldn't play with his dad, or even go out alone with him - because dad never gave him the silent moments of random care.. I used to be agonized watching Mohammad being so distant from his father, sometimes it even made me cry.
So I figure, that one time of laughing changed everything for our first-born. If only those people have supported me as their extended family, rather than teasing and taunting, I would've not ended up being so bleak towards them. My husband would've been more open in showing affection towards his family - and EVERYONE's life would've been in a state of peace..
Now the best I can do is keep space, as much as I can, and moreover find some people who can help me with my mental agony. Alas, keeping a good company matters on a lot of different levels...
